Scrisoare pentru tata-Letter for my dad!

Regretul meu este ca nu am apucat sa-ti spun ca te iubesc.Chiar daca relatia dintre noi nu a fost una stralucita, chiar si atunci cand te uram sau asa credeam eu cu mintea mea, te-am iubit si te stiam acolo. Nici nu-ti imaginezi cat mi-e de dor de tine si ce gol imens am acum in suflet! O mica parte din mine a murit cu tine si doare al naibii de tare!
Stiu ca te-am dezamagit mult in trecut si te-am ranit cu tampeniile mele dar... asa am gandit eu atunci si am platit cu varf si indesat! Am platit asa cum nu credeam! Te-am dezamagit si stiu ca, intr-un fel, ti-am cautat intotdeauna acceptul si acordul si mai stiu ca la nunta mea cu Stuart ai fost intr-adevar mandru de mine si ca atunci ai redevenit tati al meu, tati pe care l-am avut cu multi multi ani in urma.
Dar, tati, nu am gresit atat de mult atunci de vreme ce mi-a fost dat un copil atat de minunat ca Alexandra! Din toata idiotenia mea a iesit copilul asta bun pe care-l iubesc atat de mult incat cred ca as fi cautat s-o am toata viata.
Intotdeauna te-am stiut un om puternic, dur, incapatanat ca un catar dar te stiam acolo si nu mi-am inchipuit c-am sa te pierd atat de subit!
Cand te-am gasit pe patul de spital, cumva am simtit ca te pierd si m-a durut atat de mult! Nu voiam sa plec de acolo si incercam sa fiu tare pentru mama si pentru Georgiana in timp ce ma simteam sfasiata in doua. Cum sa le spun ca eu stiu ca tu o sa mori ca asa simt eu? M-ar fi crezut tampita, nebuna. Te vedeam cum te chinui si ma enerva ca nu puteam face nimic decat sa-ti ating fruntea din cand in cand sau sa te tin de mana. Ma agatam de fiecare inghititura de mancarae pe care o puteai lua sau de apa! Inutil. Si nici macar nu am putut sa-ti spun ca te iubesc. Era deja prea tarziu. Ti-am spus dar nici acum nu sunt sigura ca m-ai inteles sau m-ai auzit.
Si mi-e dor de tine, tata!
Vorbesc cu mama la telefon si ma astept sa te aud deschizand usa la sufragerie si strigand la ea ca vrei sa vorbesti si tu cu mine si sa ma intrebi daca mai pot sa-ti copiez niste muzica sau glumind cerandu-mi sa-ti trimit un Bentley!

My regret is that I did not tell you that you iubesc.Chiar if the relationship between us has been a brilliant, even when you wish, or so I thought my mind, I knew I loved you there. Not even imagine how I miss you and it's what I have now huge void in my soul! A small part of me died with you and it hurts so damn much! I know I disappointed a lot in the past and I hurt with my crap but ... I thought so then and I paid an awful! I paid as I did not think! Disappointed and I know that, somehow, I've always sought acceptance and agreement and I also know that at my wedding with Stuart you were really proud of me and then you have regained my daddy, daddy that I've had with many many years ago. But, Daddy, I missed so much since when I was given a wonderful child like Alex! From all my Utterly out good kid who love him so much that I think I've searched her entire life. I always knew a strong man, tough, stubborn as a mule but I knew there and I never dreamed that I lost you so suddenly! When I found his hospital bed, somehow I felt lost and hurt you so much! I did not want to go there and try to be strong for mom and Georgina as I felt torn in two. How to tell them that I know that you could die because I feel I? I thought it would be stupid, crazy. I saw how angry you are struggling and I could not do nothing but touch your head from time to time or hold your hand. I hung on every sip of mancarae they could take or water! Useless. And I could not even tell you I love you. It was already too late. I told you, but I still am not sure whether you understood me or I've heard. And I miss you, Dad! Talking on the phone with my mother and I expect to hear opening the door to the living room and yelling at her and you want to talk with me and I wonder if you can copy some music or joking asking me to send you a Bentley! I have many things to tell you, Dad, but it's too late!

Multe am sa-ti spun, tata, dar e prea tarziu!

Primul pas

Acest blog nu vreau sa fie considerat jurnalul meu zilnic .Aici imi voi descarca furia,aici imi voi impartasi bucuriile atunci cand voi simti nevoia .
De ani de zile viata mea este in continua schimbare .De multe ori m-am comparat in sinea mea cu marea , atat de calma pe timp frumos si atat de salbatica pe timp de furtuna .Asa a fost si viata mea:calma cand eram fericita si salbatica atunci cand simteam ca nu mai pot .